Looking up ~*Kelly*~

I am happy to report things are looking up. For the past few weeks in my life and the lives of people around me it seemed trouble was lurking around every corner. This week I see God bringing us together in unexpected ways. Sometimes you have to walk through the night to get to the morning sun. There are things in the works right now (BIG things) that I'm not at liberty to share publicly at this point. However, I would appreciate your prayer. I see my life going in a very positive direction.

As far as school goes, my lack of confidence was a waste of time. I'm doing very well on all objective measures. I made a 94 on my big scary stats test. I finished a final draft of my thesis. I got flying colors on all of my guest presentations. Also, my students seem to love me and are actively involved in classes (which is quite a feat). I have some big obstacles ahead. The biggest is COMPS. Read that again in a deep, sinister voice lol. I have a semester to study a few hundred articles and then 4 days to answer some tough questions about topics, methods, and statistical analyses in my areas of study with no internet/books/resources. Some people don't make it through, but I will pray my way through and study my radical butt off to make sure I pass. I'm on my game now. I going to make it out of USF with a doctorate in 4 years and there's no stopping that. I'm motivated. I know God made a way for me to get here and so He will make a way for me to get out.

Looking back I just wish I had more faith things would work out. Looking back does not help me move forward though. I'm going to focus my sights upwards to seek the guidance I need to grow into the person and lead the life God has in store for me. Sisters and brothers... here's to looking up! :)

Love and peace to all!

-Kelly

My name is Kelly and I'm two days late posting this blog. It is difficult for me to describe to any of my friends or family exactly how hopeless I've been feeling lately. I tried to put on a brave face last week in my video and 'pull myself up by my bootstraps'. That worked for a day or two. I was going to do the same thing this week but I couldn't fake it. I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I'm exhausted and uninspired.

I should be feeling grateful. I worked for 7 years--hard--to make sure I could end up where I am now. I've reached the Promised Land so to speak. I am a doctoral candidate in a very good, APA accredited Ph.D. program. Why do I feel nothing?

I drove up to Crestview for the first time in a month on Friday. Through a series of wrong turns and a LOT of redbull I finally arrived at about 3am. I'd lost my key so I had to crawl through a window but I didn't care. I was HOME. I experienced that irreplaceable feeling of being close to my family (particularly William) that gives me strength, peace and happiness.

Saturday was a perfect day. I took William to the beach and we played and basked in the sun for four perfectly blissful hours. The water felt like a warm bath. The sand was warm and cool just beneath. The breeze and the sun combined into this perfect blanket of 80 degree movement. I felt like the weight had been lifted. If I could have stayed in that moment I would still be there now. I look at this picture above and pretend that I am. This is my happy place.

The rest of Saturday was relaxing and fun as well. I got to spend time with Pam--much needed girl time. We drove to the beach and back in search of a place to get manicures. We didn't find any place open, but we had fun sharing stories and making plans. ;) We shared more of that invaluable girl talk over lattes at Starbucks and finished the night off with a shameless viewing of Eclipse. I never get tired of watching those boys fight over Bella. Ah... home sweet home.

Now I am back in Tampa. I woke up again with that feeling of 'why get out of bet'? I can logically think of dozens of reasons I should be excited to be here. I'm 3-4 years away from financial stability. I am making my family and friends proud. I just received the sweetest card from Danielle, with exactly what I needed to hear in it. I worked my butt off to get the chance to be here at my dream school. Logically it makes perfect sense why I should feel inspired, ecstatic, or at least content. But when it comes to the emotions associated with all of this logic, I'm drawing a blank.

That blank is what I feel and what I thought of when trying to come up with a blog this week. It was only this morning that realized Radical 7even is not a blog of overcoming obstacles and reaching our goals every week. It's a blog about reaching or goals and overcoming in 7 years, with HONEST updates each week. Well in 7 years I will meet my goals. I'll overcome. I'll have emotions that match my logic. I'll have time to recreate the perfect days like last Saturday and the means to make that possible. For now... for this week, all I have is my honesty. I'm drawing a blank. 

Radical 7even's photostream

Radical 7even's photostream on Flickr.

My First Entry - Beyondai

Hey! My name is Beyondai Hall. I am 22 and currently... well... going through a major transition in my life. I recently quit law school to pursue my creative side. I love the arts and want to be submersed in it. It has been very hard transition because I lost a lot of time, money, and even a few connections because of it. Despite my tears and frustration, God still keeps pushing me forward. Where? I have no clue. But I am using this extra time I have to develop my passions, things I call my talents. This was something I could not do in law school nor in undergrad. Why did I not pursue this is undergrad? Quite frankly I do not know, and sometimes I regret it. But the past is the past, and I can only look at where I am now and prepare myself to get to where I want to be. Over the past few months, I have experienced constant rejection, been passed over for many opportunities, watched my entire life crumble in my hands (a bit dramatic, I know but that's how I felt). For me, it was horrific because I no longer felt in control (something I prided myself in). I have broke down many times, wanting to throw in the towel, and asked God not to keep me here to experience the pain. But for some reason, I keep waking up every morning. Either it is a cruel joke, or God is telling me that it is not over until I say it is over. I may still be a hard-headed, stubborn rock, but eventually I know God will mold me and shape me into a beautiful diamond... This is where I am in my journey... the rebuilding phase.

My goals are simple and straight to the point. They are all connected to one another and provides a perfect balance I need in my life right now. 1) The first order of business requires me to learn the principles of the serenity prayer. My emotional and spiritual well-being are very connected these days, and I need to know when to step up and when to step back. It's hard, because I always felt compelled to step up and defend myself, but now I am in a bigger war... a spiritual war and I can't use the same weapons I used fighting petty arguments. I need God to help me and I need  Him in order to be victorious in my life. Trusting God leads to a better understanding in your relationship with Him. Having a great relationship with God leads to a better relationship with yourself and with others... 2) Lately, I have been doing well building and maintaining my friendships. Relationships were not my strongest point, though (I can isolate myself and shut people out very quickly at the first sign of adversity). But as I take more chances and let my walls down with people, I realized that people aren't as malicious and "out to get me" as I once perceived them to be... meaning that I think it is time to start letting down my guard some with guys and do the whole dating scene. I've dated before but not seriously. So, I am going to make it a point to be purposeful in my relationships with men. Like... actually getting to know them (lol), and let them really get to know me... none of that surface level, superficial stuff I usually do. I am talking about the stuff that actually requires effort meaning I need to get my mental game on oint. 3) Intellectually, I want to read more books about history, philosophical ideas, and become more politically aware and active. 4) Creatively, it is frustrating that it is unfeasible for me to go back to school right now, but I am determine to be in the field of media/communications. So, in order for me to do so, I need to get educated AND gain experience in this area. I don't care if I have to volunteer, take some community courses, read books. I have to get it done. So, by God's grace, it will be done. 5) The reason why I need this education is because I want to start my own business. A studio/production company. It has been a dream of mine since junior high... again I don't know why I didn't pursue it in college... I just didn't. But if you know me well, I can be a work-aholic and can over do it a lot. So, I need to take time to take care of me. 6) Physically, I want to feel better. I need to loose 20 lbs. I also need to learn relaxation and meditation, so I plan to make yoga a weekly habit. Though it kills me, I can sacrifice, or at least cut down, on my shopping (explanation under goal seven). This year, I really want to focus on my inner beauty more than my outer beautiful, meaning that I can live it up fashion-style next year.  I cut my hair off, so no longer can I hide behind what use to be beautiful hair. This does not mean, I am going to walk around looking like a bum, I will look like my best but accentuating my pure assets. ;-)  I also need to cook more often and healthier. I am a very good cook, but it cost a lot to do what I do in the kitchen. Which leads me to my 7th goal... 7) (lol) I want to save a least $5k within the next year. I really need to work on my spending because retail therapy is EVIL!!! lol... no really, it is!!! I would like to save because I want to move into my own place AND be able to afford a $2k video camera I need to make some pretty cool videos. Moving into my own place provides for more dependency on God to help me furthering my emotional and spiritual goals, and the camera will further my business and creative aspirations. I have already cut down my expenses by cutting off my hair to go natural. That is my seven goals... wish me the best! ;-)

Radical 7even's photostream

Radical 7even's photostream on Flickr.

My First Entry - Venus

My name is Venus Gilmore. I’m originally from Dallas, TX. I live in Mesquite, TX until I was 13 and then I moved to AL. I’ve been living in AL for 11 yrs. I moved to AL in Dec. 2000 because my grandma on my mother’s side had a massive stroke and heart attack. She passed away in Sept. 2001. I’m 24 yrs old and I don’t have any children. I’m in a relationship. I have one half brother. I graduated from high school in 2005. After I graduated from high school, I went to college. I attended Auburn Montgomery 2005-2008. In May 2008, I transferred to AU. In May 2010, I graduated from AU with a B.A. in Sociology w/ a concentration in Social Organization and Inequality w/ a Minor: Social Work. I’m also a proud member of Theta Phi Sigma Christian Sorority, Inc. I’m #2 Restored of the SPR2K11 E-line of the Pink Expressions of Praise.

What I expect to get out of this journey is to learn more about myself and achieve my goals.

My seven goals for the year goes as follows: 1) To continue to get closer to God and read more/learn about his word; 2)To volunteer at the Women’s Hope Clinic; 3) To start a chapter in Auburn for my sorority and to be more involved w/ my sorority; 4)To enjoy my life more! 5) To get a job in my field; 6) To share my faith w/ others more; and 7) To get more involved in ministry.

Renee's First Entry