My First Entry - Beyondai

Hey! My name is Beyondai Hall. I am 22 and currently... well... going through a major transition in my life. I recently quit law school to pursue my creative side. I love the arts and want to be submersed in it. It has been very hard transition because I lost a lot of time, money, and even a few connections because of it. Despite my tears and frustration, God still keeps pushing me forward. Where? I have no clue. But I am using this extra time I have to develop my passions, things I call my talents. This was something I could not do in law school nor in undergrad. Why did I not pursue this is undergrad? Quite frankly I do not know, and sometimes I regret it. But the past is the past, and I can only look at where I am now and prepare myself to get to where I want to be. Over the past few months, I have experienced constant rejection, been passed over for many opportunities, watched my entire life crumble in my hands (a bit dramatic, I know but that's how I felt). For me, it was horrific because I no longer felt in control (something I prided myself in). I have broke down many times, wanting to throw in the towel, and asked God not to keep me here to experience the pain. But for some reason, I keep waking up every morning. Either it is a cruel joke, or God is telling me that it is not over until I say it is over. I may still be a hard-headed, stubborn rock, but eventually I know God will mold me and shape me into a beautiful diamond... This is where I am in my journey... the rebuilding phase.

My goals are simple and straight to the point. They are all connected to one another and provides a perfect balance I need in my life right now. 1) The first order of business requires me to learn the principles of the serenity prayer. My emotional and spiritual well-being are very connected these days, and I need to know when to step up and when to step back. It's hard, because I always felt compelled to step up and defend myself, but now I am in a bigger war... a spiritual war and I can't use the same weapons I used fighting petty arguments. I need God to help me and I need  Him in order to be victorious in my life. Trusting God leads to a better understanding in your relationship with Him. Having a great relationship with God leads to a better relationship with yourself and with others... 2) Lately, I have been doing well building and maintaining my friendships. Relationships were not my strongest point, though (I can isolate myself and shut people out very quickly at the first sign of adversity). But as I take more chances and let my walls down with people, I realized that people aren't as malicious and "out to get me" as I once perceived them to be... meaning that I think it is time to start letting down my guard some with guys and do the whole dating scene. I've dated before but not seriously. So, I am going to make it a point to be purposeful in my relationships with men. Like... actually getting to know them (lol), and let them really get to know me... none of that surface level, superficial stuff I usually do. I am talking about the stuff that actually requires effort meaning I need to get my mental game on oint. 3) Intellectually, I want to read more books about history, philosophical ideas, and become more politically aware and active. 4) Creatively, it is frustrating that it is unfeasible for me to go back to school right now, but I am determine to be in the field of media/communications. So, in order for me to do so, I need to get educated AND gain experience in this area. I don't care if I have to volunteer, take some community courses, read books. I have to get it done. So, by God's grace, it will be done. 5) The reason why I need this education is because I want to start my own business. A studio/production company. It has been a dream of mine since junior high... again I don't know why I didn't pursue it in college... I just didn't. But if you know me well, I can be a work-aholic and can over do it a lot. So, I need to take time to take care of me. 6) Physically, I want to feel better. I need to loose 20 lbs. I also need to learn relaxation and meditation, so I plan to make yoga a weekly habit. Though it kills me, I can sacrifice, or at least cut down, on my shopping (explanation under goal seven). This year, I really want to focus on my inner beauty more than my outer beautiful, meaning that I can live it up fashion-style next year.  I cut my hair off, so no longer can I hide behind what use to be beautiful hair. This does not mean, I am going to walk around looking like a bum, I will look like my best but accentuating my pure assets. ;-)  I also need to cook more often and healthier. I am a very good cook, but it cost a lot to do what I do in the kitchen. Which leads me to my 7th goal... 7) (lol) I want to save a least $5k within the next year. I really need to work on my spending because retail therapy is EVIL!!! lol... no really, it is!!! I would like to save because I want to move into my own place AND be able to afford a $2k video camera I need to make some pretty cool videos. Moving into my own place provides for more dependency on God to help me furthering my emotional and spiritual goals, and the camera will further my business and creative aspirations. I have already cut down my expenses by cutting off my hair to go natural. That is my seven goals... wish me the best! ;-)